so, well i’ve dated just one girl, but my heart has been broken twice. and tonight, i feel like talking all about it.
so, well just to give you a background of as to how i was, as a kid growing up, i’ll share a few things w you all. so, well i was a really shy, innocent kid growing up. i wasn’t aware of like anything. i was polite, extremely shy around girls ( and now look at me write about making love in public) , wasn’t at all rude, and didn’t really know, any slang. like the most bizarre slang for me was dog.
anyway, so yeah. i spent my childhood, that’s like until class 8, doing whatever my parents would say. i would study otherwise my grandmother would like hit me. i was v scared of and didn’t really understand then as to how important it was.
anyway, i would apply oil, everyday and go to school. i was pretty cute and just chubby. like i said, i was v shy, so i hardly had any female attention. i was just too shy. i never started any conversation, like on facebook, which i had then. but that didn’t stop them. the others were not really popular then, so yeah. i still dont know, why would a few girls, that i guess were my classmates, would like text me? i said like nothing and was just so shy, but yeah.
and well, fast forward to class 11th. a lot of things were new. i took science and well, even tho, i slept like on the v first day of my chem class, but it was good. i was studying what i wanted to.
and so, one day i texted this girl, for like the physics syllabus, but well, who knew, this will be the biggest mistake of my life.
anyway, i wasn’t really interested in her, but well, she was a lil clingy and well, we started to talk a lot. it was very new for me, for i was just so innocent, that i couldn’t care less, about all the materialistic things. so well, filled w excitement, i just kept going on, w whatever.
so as you can tell, that the beginning was rather okay, just like any other.
i didn’t know what love was, or any of that. i just knew, that all I want to do was talk to her and tell her that how amazing she is. i would remember, the small small things, and just would imagine a future w her, which would be lovely. that’s what i thought. i reminisce myself, about all i was, and it just feels so stupid. i remember we had like an english exam, and she didn’t really give the exam because she was ill. so after like my bus dropped me at my house, i ran, towards my home, because that’s how excited and happy i was to talk to her and ask her, as to how was she. I ofc didn’t tell her, this and a few more things like these. well things were okay then, so i asked her and stuff.
anyway as time passed, i noticed how her behaviour changed. she just wasn’t the same. she was mostly cold. i tried everything. everything! also had in mind, as to what i would do, on her birthday so as to make it all special. but it remained a dream.
i remember giving her a card, which she in front of me, folded and put in her small bag. it was a pre birthday card, that i had for her. but when she folded the card and put it in her lil bag, that broke my heart. it really did.
she i guess, got bored of me, and so just treated me, just like any other guy.
i would be desperate to talk to her or like just ask her once, if she was okay. i remember we had a mutual friend and she was bengali. so, i would ask her, if she can ask her, that if she’s fine. and her friend was really sweet. and she still is, I’m sure. i wish her the best of luck, no matter where she is. this is our school friend and I’ll talk a lil more about her, in a while.
so, she wouldn’t really talk to me in a way she used to. she would be just so rude to me. and i just didn’t know how to be rude then. so she took advantage of that, and just would continue to do what she’s good at. i remember all the night’s that oh I’ve spent crying for a girl, who just won’t love me back, for she never really loved me but always liked me. and she told me this. i didn’t say anything to her, but i remember crying like a bitch later, for i was in love. and no, i never told her, that i loved her. how could i have? for she just wouldn’t talk to me.
it was really hard to accept. because this was my first time experiencing something like this and this was indeed a big deal. i tried everything. i remember the first time i met her like in public, i gave her a rose. it was a beautiful feeling and that an hour or so where I was like w her and a friend of hers who seemed sweet. i remember playing this scene in my head, for a long time, because all of it was beautiful.
whoever is innocent,they feel a lil too much. and so that’s what happened to me. every time, I’d try talking to her, she would say something rude, and I’ll listen and just won’t say anything, but still would come back the next day, for i think i was desperate even for a few words, no matter how mean they were. she was basically taking all her frustration out on me. didn’t understand then.
anyway, now started the depressing phase. i cried almost continuosly for 6 months. festivals or birthdays had no meaning for me. all I would do was cry. at night.
i remember failing in my like class 11th in chemistry. yup. it was well a blow. to my family. but nothing was in my control. i didn’t know what i was doing. i was just depressed. i begged for peace or her at times to god. never really got it and glad that he didn’t. needed it.
while i was spending all these night’s crying, that stupid girl, was smiling and enjoying her life.
i well, realize it all now. i ruined all festivals for my family. and yes,I deeply regret it and apologize for the same.
and there’s a lot to it, but you get the gist. i was too shy, innocent and stuff. but this heartbreak taught me pain and a lot of things. what’s sad is that the first girl i loved treated me like this. i just wanted to marry the first girl, I ever loved but that’s something, that will never happen. and this stupid girl texted me saying sorry and stuff, about whatever. I was like okay and stuff for I was onto much better and bigger things now.
and oh about that bengali school friend. i was like in my economic class one day and i looked into her eyes and there was pain. and also i think i had a crush on her, like much later after this stupid girl. and i wrote her a thing, which i never really told her about. it’s ‘first day at school’ if anyone is wondering. but i even messed this up, because i was just too shy and stuff.
in the end, i think, it was all meant to be. yeah, it was one sided and i guess, i’m also at fault, but well, you just dont treat someone like this. no matter what the reason. we were young. i made a mistake. she well, made a mistake. in the end, i guess, this was important. for me to grow! for me to focus on life. for me to achieve.