i’m having a rather sad day, but well i guess, it’s but a phase. on days such as this, i feel a lil more pain within me, for i seem to think about all the times, i was left hurt. and somewhere it still does.
i went to the bank to deposit some money. there was this lady sitting there, who looked rather upset. i’ve seen her quite a few times, but well i didn’t really talk to her until today. i asked her, as to how is “the bank life”, even tho i knew, what she would probably say. she told me, that it’s rather bad and rather monotonous but well, the pay is nice and she has job security and so she bared working here. i left as she continued with her work.
this lady reminded me of someone. someone i met.
she was a sweet lady in her late 20s and was rather pretty. i liked her.
she was innocent and loved what i wrote for her. and that made me really happy. for that was a first for me. she was also really wise.
she also was rather upset. i felt it in her words and while talking to her personally.
anyway, we decided to meet at her place. she was not going to work that day and so we were supposed to spend the whole day together.
i remember being very excited and planned a few surprises for her so as to make her smile. i left my home and while on my way to her place, bought a chocolate for her. i still remember, how she told me, to wake her up in the morning as she’d leave the door open, so that i could come. and as much as i wanted to do that, i couldn’t because she had a roommate and a lady who worked there and was like her family.
and i’ve had never met someone, say that to me before. this was sweet to imagine. and i wish i could have and i would have for i thought we’d meet everyday now.
i still remember how she stood at the balcony looking at me while i tried to figure out as to where is she waving me from. i finally saw her and rang the bell. she opened and walked rather quickly into her room. i guess, she was feeling rather shy. i locked the door and followed her to her room. there were a few pictures here and there, a rubix cube, and she laying on a soft bed looking at me. and she was feeling rather shy. and she looked pretty. even in the morning.
i had a bag in my hand and as we sat there, all awkward and shy, i gave her the chocolate and took out a few economics books. she asked me if i was here to study, lol. but i actually had letters hidden in them, that i shyly handed over to her. she was reading them and i liked the feeling of it. i remember writing all that came to my mind the previous night. i wrote two for her. one of them was about the way i feel for her. the other as to how i wanted to have a daughter and how it was a dear dream of mine which i was hoping to share with her.
she told me, as to how it’s been years, for until now all the papers she got were the ones she had to sign which was a part of her job. she was genuine and honest. i loved this about her.
but this also told me, as to how she didn’t really liked her job. she never told me that. but i knew. she didn’t like it a bit. she liked travelling more. i dreamt of leaving everything behind and going travelling with her all around the world but well, that remained a dream.
anyway, after this i asked her if she had a laptop and she did have one. i had her lay on my chest and asked her to login to a wordpress account, that i especially made for her, which had a lot of poems in it, just for her to read. she didn’t know, how to spell wifey which was rather cute. the password was something like that. i dont really remember. she read the few poems, which also had a few pictures, that she had sent me.
we started talking and slowly got rather comfortable. switched off the lights, and lay next to each other. i asked her, if i could come in her blanket and she said yes. we cuddled for a while and to this day, i remember the beauty of it all. the feeling of her on you is just something else. i traced her lips with my fingers and told her that they were rather dry. she did understand as to what i meant.
i loved cuddling with her. it was beautiful. it was pure. it felt nice. she was saying something but i asked her to keep quiet for i wanted to enjoy this moment for a moment longer. it was lovely.
she later told me, how she was cheated on. and i remember her asking me, if i would sleep with someone else or no, which left me rather quite perplexed but i did understand as to why would she say that.
she was still hurt and maybe scared?
i never got to tell her, but she was the first and until now, the only girl i’ve ever written and given a letter too. it felt nice. i remember most of that day. also she was the first girl, i ever cuddled with. i never told her this too. but anyway, so yeah. she’s quite special. i wrote a lot of things for her which are still somewhere on my blog.
in the end, i guess she didn’t really like me or i just wasn’t what she wanted. or maybe because i was too young. even tho, as i saw her laying with her eyes closed, right next to me, i could imagine a future with her. but it’s fine, i guess. i can’t force love on someone.
now i dont have any regrets. i haven’t talked to her in years. but i still remember bits and pieces of our conversation. such as her birthday which is in february. dont know the exact date, but it’s near the end.
age is but a number. for even Shakespeare at nineteen married her wife of twenty-six. and yet they thrived, but oh why couldn’t we?
anyway, this hurt a lot. it was a lot at that time. nothing was going right.
love isn’t easy. but it is worth the pain.
all this seems like a movie, but this is but the reality.
in the end, i’d like to say that oh please pursue what you love and nothing else. no matter how much money, you might have, later in life after working for years, you’d still be not happy. as much as i value money, but still people thrive without it. pursue it when no one believes you. pursue it and dont stop until you’re the best.
live a movie