learnt

i seem to speak frost, even when i’m just breathing. day’s feel colder, when you’re alone. i’ve lost more than, i ever wanted to and i really wish, that oh it wasnt the case. for i really wish, a few of them were still around. oh how i wish.

yesterday night was like any other to me. colder, if not anything else.

this year, i’ll make sure, i connect lesser with people, whom i may stumble upon. keep to myself and continue doing my own thing, no matter how lonely it might have been or gets. i guess, the pain i’d feel, will be less than what it is now.

i’ve a lot on my mind. been spending a lot of time, with me lately; these last few days. it was enriching but really painfully overwhelming.

this new year, that i begin, i expect nothing out of it. nothing at all.

i do miss the people, i’ve lost. but i seem to miss more, what i shared with them, like the abstractness in the moments; than the people themselves.

i’ve to accept the farewell’s, even if they last a few months or years only to revive themselves, as they grow and maybe see things, in a different way.

i’m sure, i’ve made mistakes and i don’t deny never being at fault. but i also have been true to myself. and i’d never wish or do something, which was not morally correct. i really cared, genuinely; if i ever came across you.

i really did.
but nvm, i get it was all that i deserved and all i can do is but accept it

i learnt a lot this year.
learnt how, the form of love, that i talk about, is a reality and not otherwise, like everyone tells me, for i lived a bit of it, with someone i liked. she is a sweet one, wherever she might be.
worked a lot on myself, in different aspects.
understood music in a much more deeper way.
wrote a lot of love, romance, pain, dreams that i lived and had. some secretly while some openly.
met some lovely people. while making connections that will last and that i’ll remember, always.
learnt a few new urdu words, which well, were beautiful; and so were the person behind them
and well, a few more things here and there.

i apologize for all that i may have done. but i can tell you, i didn’t mean it in a way, you perceived it, but well, i’m sorry.

thankyou for reading me, still
or not
it is fine, really

until then

with love